Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Be Careful What You Wish For

Sometimes life is somewhat unexpected.  Just when you're getting dispairing of ever meeting anyone new and interesting, fate chucks someone in your path and upsets the apple cart.

A friend of my good friend, H, but just one I've somehow never met before.  Probably because he's been working abroad for the last 3 years.  You click and chat and chat and chat.  It doesn't feel like flirting, just a conversation that doesn't seem to have an end.  And for once, not even trying to be flirty, you're attractive to them.  And you find them attractive too, but for some reason you're just too relaxed to try and take it anywhere.

The night goes on, and before you know it, one drunken bar has lead to another, and it's the end of the night, and when asked if you're going back with the boys or back to your own flat, you let yourself be persuaded.  Two drunken refugees at a mutual friends house.

Hit the sofa, and it feels comfortable to pop your feet up on him, so you do.  And because of the situation, natural that you'll share the spare bed.  And somehow in the night, what started as a friendly hug, leads to a little bit more.  Not all of it, because he's being a gentleman (and you're conscious of your host, even drunk, being in the next door room doors being open), but enough to indicate he's interested and confirm that you are too.

But just a small hitch, because your blond bed companion is off to work abroad again soon .... in fact all the way on the other side of the world, for the next couple of years, and leaving in 4 weeks time.

So in the morning, you enjoy a recovery breakfast with friends (trying to ignore the fact that you're very much in Dirty Stop-out Mode), enjoy a leisurely walk back to more friends to pick up his car, and let him drop you back at your flat with a brief hug and a kiss on the cheek good-bye.  Because where can it go?

And when you late speak to your friend H, it turns out that she has a real thing for the the Global Traveller, even though she's now seeing someone else, and anyway she knows he isn't interested in her.  She doesn't know about Saturday nights interlude with Global Traveller, but you feel guilty none-the-less, because you already fucked up with the whole Boy Wonder situation.

Crap, crap, crap.

To come clean and tell her about the Global Traveller?  Or not bother, since you're not going to see him again.  I lasted til Thursday before I blurted it out and told her.  She'd guessed but not asked about it.  Not the happiest, but not so mad either.  It's done, and anyway, as much as you're tempted to text GT and ask if he's around at all before he leaves (because let's face it ..... I'm totally curious to finish what was started in that mutual friend's bed), it's closed book.

Except it's never that bloody simple is it?????  Because one week later you hit the pub for Sunday lunch with H and friends.  A pub you've never even been to before.  And there he freaking is.  And you've got time off work, he's got time off work, and somehow you spend the next couple of days together.  But you don't know where you stand, because he acts like a friend and makes no move to finish what was started.  But pays for most of the days out, and occasionally pops up behind you to hug you to him or seemingly just find an excuse to touch him.

Does he want you to make a move?  Does he want to make a move.  Is it like a proper old-fashioned date?  Or is just glad to have fun company before he leaves the country for good???

Gaaaaaaaaaah!!!  I.  Do.  Not.  Know. 

What I do know, is that now he's gone again after 2 hilarious days, and now I will definitely probably not see him before he goes.  And that H seems off with me again now, for spending time with him.

You see - you should be careful what you wish for.  Because it's never without it's complications.

Yours truly,

A Love Fool.