I have, for the time being, given up on men. Or at least I'm trying to. And no - that doesn't mean I'm starting on women!
I'm just taking a little me-time. Following a conversation with one of my girl-friends, I came to the realisation that what she was saying sounded trite but is ultimately true:
if I'm wondering why men don't treat me bad, maybe I should take a look at how I treat myself. Because honestly? It's not great. I'm hard on myself, and trash-talk myself via my inner monologue all the time. If I don't like me, why do I expect other people to fall in love?
So instead, I'm taking a while to figure out a way to like myself a little more, and resurrect and shore up my frankly pathetic self-esteem. This will hopefully involve lots of fun things to make life good ... but no men. Not for a while. Enough with the need for external validation - it's time to get me some internal validation.
Thing is - it turns out it's quite hard to turn off your potential-man-radar, when it's been on for so long! I've deleted my profile from the dating website, so that's cut off one source, but I still find myself eyeing up men as I walk around in my day-to-day life - arrrrgh! And going out on Saturday night and not looking at the talent? In fact, actively not looking at the talent??? Weird!!!
But oddly relaxing!